we can take the world back from the heart-attacked
by mutemelodyx
Summary: "Will the real Yondaime please stand up?" / Or, Hiruzen chooses his successor while drunk. Or rather, successors. Five, to be exact. This is a matter that's settled with the help of discussion, bribery, some violence, and, of course, a child.


**if you want this to adhere to any sort of timeline then im sorry you've come to the wrong place**

**[Title is from The Phoenix by Fall Out Boy]**

* * *

"Will the real Yondaime _please _stand up?" He yells over the sounds of chatter, his headache growing exponentially with every passing second.

When he sees the results, it doesn't stop the growth but rather increases it.

Mikoto, who has been sitting, watching the entire group like a hawk, confidently stands up. She's only a half second behind Kushina, who's pressing a hand to her pregnant stomach with a smile to her face. She's only three months along, not even halfway through her ten-month pregnancy. With her baggy clothing, she's not even showing.

Minato, who had previously been sitting on Kushina's other side, stands as well. He's been talking with Itachi, who had been inexplicably drawn in by Konoha's Yellow Flash. Hiruzen had previously thought that the man simply exuded a friendly atmosphere, one comforting for children as young as Itachi, but then he had attempted to listen to their conversation and found it so deep into the morality of a shinobi that he got a headache and nearly an existential crisis.

Orochimaru stands slowly, a calculating gleam in his eyes and a strange smile on his face as he looks at his former sensei's expression. Once upon a time, Orochimaru would have done _anything _to be Hokage and would have turned bitter if Hiruzen had passed over him. Hiruzen's not quite sure what changed that, but he did remember seeing Sakumo talking to him the other day, and ever since then a young girl with purple hair has been following around the Snake Sannin like a lost puppy. It must be only a matter of time before Orochimaru comes to him and gets official approval for a student.

Or not. Orochimaru had never been big on things like permission.

Hiruzen sighs and rubs his temples, already regretting his decision to declare his successor after drinking.

He's so busy with his thoughts that he doesn't notice the fifth person standing, but he is the only one in the room that doesn't notice.

From his seat in the corner, supported by his trusty cane, Danzō purposely but slowly stands. His face is unreadable, but there's a trace of something unnerving there. Something Mikoto does not like.

She feels a tug on her sleeve and looks to see Itachi, who slipped back to her side when Minato stood. He looks up at her, precocious as ever.

"I do not like him," He tells her quietly, sincerely. "I don't know what it is, but there's something wrong about him."

She takes in his words and then nods once before whispering something into his ear. His eyes widen before they take on an odd sort of determination. When she pulls away, he nods and she smiles in return.

Kushina, who had been watching their exchange in confusion with a question on her lips, watches in amazement as Itachi, a young, incredibly intelligent _pacifist - _if his conversation with Minato was anything to go by - walks over to Danzō and kicks him sharply in the shins.

The Elder - who, despite his experience and ninja prowess, is caught off-guard - falls back into his chair. His cane clatters to the ground loudly.

The room goes silent for a moment. Minato looks at Itachi in shock and Kushina in poorly hidden approval. Orochimaru watches interestedly, amused by the turn of events.

Hiruzen just stares, uncomprehending. His hand twitches towards his pipe.

Itachi simply turns and looks back at his mother, as if awaiting confirmation of a mission completed.

She gives him a smile. "Good job, Itachi-kun."

Kushina, who was previously struggling to hold back her laughter, lets out a loud cackle and hits Mikoto on the back approvingly. "Great work, Yondaime-sama!" She says boisterously.

Mikoto smiles at her old friend. "No problem, Yondaime-sama." She replies in kind, and Hiruzen wonders what exactly he did to deserve this.

Danzō glares murderously and moves to stand again. Itachi whirls around and kicks him precisely in the kneecap.

He falls again, and this time he does not land in his seat.

Kushina absolutely beams, "I think I found the Godaime!"

Hiruzen finds himself cursing the fact that Biwako locked away his alcohol. He was not a drunk, dammit, it was just the insanity of _everything _could not be handled properly without some strength.

Danzō scowls as he rises, shoots Hiruzen a withering glare, before departing the room dramatically. Hiruzen, for his part, merely rubs his temples.

"Mikoto-san, was that really necessary?" He inquires, his question spoken with the voice of a strong leader and _not _one full of defeat.

Mikoto gives him a smile, one with far too many teeth to be innocent. "It wasn't _unnecessary." _ She points out, completely shameless and unapologetic.

Hiruzen considers her words for a second, before he slowly, deliberately takes off his Hokage hat and places it on his desk. He then stands, grabs his pipe, and wordlessly exits the room.

"Alright then!" Kushina says, breaking the silence and moving to the center of the semi-circle. She claps her hands together. "I'm Hokage, and so is Mikoto-chan. Any questions?"

Orochimaru raises an eyebrow. "I believe we were all promised such a position." He comments, but his voice is mild and speaks more of compensation rather than any threat.

Kushina looks at him consideringly, not phased at all by the threat. "What if we made you a member of the Council?" The Hokage has absolutely no power to do that, of course, but Uzumaki Kushina has never been known for being restricted by such things as _laws._

A calculating look enters Orochimaru's eyes before he smiles. "That would suffice nicely."

"Great! The Council is now you, uhhhh..." Kushina looks at Mikoto.

"Sakumo Hatake and Sarutobi Biwako are both good candidates," Mikoto suggests, in a tone that more says that the decision has already been made.

"Nice. Orochimaru, Sakumo, and Biwako are the Council. Minato, you're Head of Research. Have fun nerding out. Itachi-chan, what do you like?" Kushina asks.

Minato perks up when his job is assigned, and he quickly pulls out a blank scroll and starts scribbling.

Itachi, for his part, just stares at the Uzumaki.

"He's likes baking," Mikoto comments mildly. "And cafés."

"Great, Itachi-chan! You get a bakery, or a café, or whatever. We'll sort out the details later. Sound good?"

Itachi stares at the red-haired woman, before staring at his own mother. His face gives away his disbelief, as if he doesn't believe he can escape his destiny of missions and training and _bloodshed _that easily.

But as he looks at his Hokage - his _Hokages - _and he lets himself hope.

"Yes, Hokage-sama!"

* * *

**what's that? there can't be more than one hokage? well, in response to that i say...**_**[sprints]**_


End file.
